Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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