Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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