Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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