somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
