why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
