I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
