I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
