Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
