Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
