This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
