ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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