if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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