so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
