my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
