I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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