I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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