So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
