I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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