dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
