also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
