3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
