I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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