you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
