The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
