Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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