Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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