I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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