My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
