Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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