I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
