Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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