the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
