I heard we made out
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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