I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
