You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
