Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
