Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
