some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
