Small penises have feelings too.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
