I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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