I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
