i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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