if i can run in heels then i can drive
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
