so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
