I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
