I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
