Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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