last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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