The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
