the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
