Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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