You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
