That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
