At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
