id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
