and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
