i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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