What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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