i just had sex bonerless
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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