Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
