My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
