i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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