Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
